Today realized that my plans when was younger are exactly NOT what am today. but I now understand that God has different plans for me and continues to challenge me daily.?
For those of you who know me, know I cannot be more adamant about looking forward to being a wife and mother. Idealisticly I would have loved to have started a family already and be married to an amazing man of my dreams. But alas it is not where I am at this point in my life journey.?
I am dating this amazing man and father to two beautiful children who? I enjoy spending time with? I am trying to continually trying to seek Gods will and listen to what He has to say about our relationship. But some days I am human. We disagree and I automatically want to throw in the towel and not try. But I have recognized why I do this. Its from a prior relationship that I was hurt from and scared to get hurt again. But who wouldn't be. Also becoming a potential step mom or role model is hard to even think about too. I want my OWN family... but why is it so hard for me to wrap my head around Step mom doesn't mean they are not apart of my family, they are just a different and very special component to it.?
I think I'm just worried about the whole evil step mom or being blamed for anything the kids would do bad once I was married to their dad. but that all said. I do enjoy them immensely and look forward to spending time with them, I have so much fun with them. They are great kids and maybe just maybe God gave me the desire to be a mom regardless of how it happens.
I guess only time will tell. For now I am going to continue to seek Gods plan and enjoy every moment.
